Happy New Year!

I'm plagiarizing a bit for my New Year's blog. If you would like to see the original idea, check out my sister's blog: tsays.blogspot.com.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO YOUR 17 YEAR OLD SELF?

What a great idea to think about as a year comes to a close and a new one begins. And possibly something to pass on to my 17 year old children some day. So here it goes:

1: You are the first example of how to love you. Others will follow your lead.

2: One true friend is far more valuable then being liked by everyone.

3: Trust your instincts. You know yourself better than anyone else and when something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

4: KNOW that you ARE pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, funny enough. Because you are who you are and when you are true to that, it's always "enough".

5: Always love family for who they are. Not who you wish they would be. Some day you'll see why they are the way they are and how that has helped to make You who You are - the good, the bad and the ugly.... (and THEY still love YOU!)

6: Travel. Discover more about yourself by going outside of your comfort zone and into other's comfort zones.

7: Leave home. Make your own life. You can always return home.

8: Work during high school and college, even if you don't "have to". You will be much more ready to face the real world if you flip a couple burgers first.

9:Never turn away from an opportunity because it would be "too hard" or because you don't think you could do it. You may fail, but there are things you can only learn by failing. And you may just surprise yourself and then you will know no limits.

10: Never argue about money. You'll never win and you'll ALWAYS end up feeling worse. And as my wise sister once told me, " Money is the one thing you can always get more of." How smart is that?

And here's the OB update: We're at 32 weeks and 3 days. No Christmas baby! YEAH! and no Christmas hospital visits, though I'm sure all our friends at the hospital missed us during the holidays! I can start increasing activity in about 3 weeks (35.5 weeks) and stop taking meds in 5 weeks. I can hardly believe we're that close. The days sometimes go slowly, but overall, time is passing pretty quickly. Please continue with all your positive thoughts and prayers.

Happy New Year to all. Look back with no regrets and look forward with joy and anticipation of all the good that will come to you this year.

Christmas time....

Christmas: a time of peace, Joy, harmony, and......HEY! When did my face get so fat? I remember this from my last pregnancy. You go happily along feeling like it's only your belly that changes then BAM you see a picture and suddenly your face got fat! What else am I in denial about? It does some strange things to your body, this miracle called pregnancy. Out of nowhere you waddle. You no longer even TRY to hold in flatulence. And peeing? Let's just say I get more exercise getting in and out of bed to pee than I really should while on strict "bed rest". Did I mention the Olympic sized feat it is to turn over in bed? It sounds like a cow matting down a nice patch of grass to lie down in, complete with cow-like groaning. Oh, and the pillows it takes to get "comfortable". Thank God we have king sized bed or I think Brooks would find an alternate sleeping situation.

But what I do like is the opportunity to watch this true miracle happen first hand. I've never really felt "fat" while pregnant. I've always had somewhat of a sense of pride in my pregnant body. Not that is ready for Victoria's Secret maternity catalog (no, Vicky's does NOT do maternity). It's just a normal pregnant body. But, that belly, holding all that life...it's got a beauty all it's own. Well, and having some boobs for a few months doesn't hurt my ego. Even though I know it's temporary and soon they will be a droopy shadow of the valiant A cup they once were, I enjoy while I can.

So here's the update:

I am 31 weeks and 2 days. We did make our weekly pilgrimage to the hospital on Monday night due to some cramping I was having that overall had no effect on the big C (cervix) and stopped on its own while being monitored. We went home late Monday night and the rest of the week has been very uneventful. Brooks is off school for the next two weeks so our live-in help (or shall I say Angel -mother in law Annetta) gets a little reprieve from trying to be Grandma. and disciplinarian, and care-taker of prego lady, and home maker for a little while.... hopefully...

Our little P-bear is hanging in there. As well as can be expected of a two year old. I think she has a few more tantrums than normal - no doubt due to the fact that her life has NOT been normal for some time now. She doesn't probably even remember what "normal" is. Her mommy sure misses "normal". Her normal conversations with me now go something like this:

"Are you resting?", "Are you going to the hospital/doctor?", "Did you eat your lunch?". Then she'll tell me what she had for lunch and ask to open another door on the advent calendar (which contains M&M's among other, apparently not so exciting, trinkets). She's also still working on potty training, which may be attacked more aggressively these two weeks while Brooks is home - we'll see. No rush I guess..... Other than cost, I don't see it as a huge bummer to have two kids in diapers.

So that's life right now. Hopefully it remains "uneventful" through Christmas.

I wish everyone a magical Christmas full of Joy, Laughter and thin faces. :)

30 weeks!

Update: This ended up being another "hospital week". I went in Monday night for increased contractions that essentially did not change my cervix overall and slowed back to "normal" without any further intervention. I was in for two nights total and back home on Wednesday when we hit our 30 week mark!



You know you've been to the hospital too much when:

- One of the doctors in the practice tells you the same joke he told you a month ago

(" Sterile is Latin for cold! Hahaha!" - it was cute the first time.....)



-Your vagina has seen more action then when you were trying to get pregnant, and not the fun kind of action.



- you can set up the contraction monitor and fetal monitor yourself.



-You know half the nurses' life stories and are asking how their kid's soccer game last week went.



- When you leave they all wave, smile and say, "see ya in a week or two!!".



- you no longer get impatient when waiting on the doctor, nurse, lab, food etc. It's just the way it is in the hospital.



- you can read ultrasounds yourself



- you're surprised when you're put into a room you haven't had before



Yes we've been in and out a lot. 5 times now I think. We've had some amazing nurses and are always pleased with the doctors we've had - even the one who must have gone to "Strawberry Shortcake University" as Brooks pondered. We have heard lots of positive encouraging stories and each time we leave we are again encouraged that we can DO THIS. One of the most amazing stories we heard last time was of a Chinese patient who came in, full term, in labor and 7 cm dilated. Those of you who have been through this know that when you're 7cm you're on the home stretch and there is NO stopping that freight train. This woman declared that she was NOT having this baby yet. She wanted her child to be born under a different Chinese sign, which did not change for another day and a half. That amazon (no typo here, I mean AMAZON ...and amazing...) woman held off delivery of that child for a day and a half with NO medicinal intervention. She had her child born under her terms. Freakin' amazing.



I COULD make it to 36 or 37 weeks. It COULD be done. The doctors all warn us how unlikely it is, which is their job. But thanks to that nurse that gave us renewed hope for our dream of a full term baby and renewed faith in the power of positive thinking. In my experience being a good nurse is more that putting in an IV without the patient screaming, spewing out medical info, or helping to deliver babies. It involves something much more important than that. It involves delivering hope to those who need it.



So here we are, 6 weeks after our first scary hospital visit. 6 more WEEKS we've made. I think that's pretty good. And 6 more? We could do it and if we don't we'll still be ok. But here's to hope, again. And to those nurses, thanks, and we'll see ya next time.....



Oh and here's a recent pic of our beauty queen putting pigtails in her great grandpa's hair. :)

A Good week...

This was a good week. My doctor's appointment went well. My cervix length actually increased compared to the week before. I guess this bed rest gig works.... My mom came to visit again, always good for the soul. She and Brooks got our Christmas decorations up and Christmas spirit has descended once again. Also this week I had a dream of our baby (it was a boy this time) and he was healthy and quite advanced developmentally as he was a newborn sitting on his own and understanding everything I told him. I tend to buy into my dreams a lot. I think they have a lot of meaning. Not necessarily predictive value, (although who knows?) but they do allow you to get back to what makes up your constitution. I am at heart an optimist. One who sometimes loses heart, but my dreams are not letting me forget who I am and how I look upon life as a general rule. I'll be 30 weeks on Wednesday and THAT is huge (as am I).

Piper is starting to "get" some things about Christmas. "Daddy made Christmas!" by putting lights up in the house and putting the tree up. She recognizes Santa. We have not visited him yet but are hoping to. She's been educated all about Rudolph and Frosty. I can't wait to do the milk and cookies thing, the Santa present thing and sing carols. Christmas as a child is so simple, magical and beautiful. We as adults make it so stressful. This is a good year for me to let all that stress go and just enjoy the beauty of the season. Then try to hold on to that and remember it for next year. Remember to celebrate the magic that is so apparent to children. Look out the window expecting to see a flashing red light and KNOW that it's Rudolph. Enjoy all the little surprises life brings. Eat the cookies and milk. Believe that my dreams can come true.

Learning to knit

So I have some time on my hands and am learning to knit. What will become of this project, you may ask? Well, as with most things these days, that depends. It could be a hot pad or a baby blanket. It depends on how long I remain pregnant!

The conversations around the house now go something like this:
"If you're still pregnant when blahdittyblah....."
or
"If the baby's here when blahdittyblah..." Hotpad or baby blanket? One of life's great unanswered questions.
Besides learning to knit, this period of life is teaching us all to let go of what we cannot control. It's a lesson we've learned only after several head bashing experiences. "If we get the stitch we will make it to full term!" BAM..... hotpad.
It's not that we shouldn't stay positive and hope for the best. We're just realizing that what really happens is mostly out of our control. This realization isn't depressing, it's actually a blessing. A way to survive. I am no longer going to bed each night saying to myself "I WILL make it to 37 weeks, I WILL make it to 37 weeks." I now go to bed saying "I did all I could today to keep this baby inside for one more day. And today, it worked." We may make it to a baby blanket yet, but it'll be stitch by stitch, day by day.
My mom has always told me to let go of worrying about the things I can do nothing about. I always agreed with her that it was an intelligent thing to do. But I never really figured out how to do it. Out of necessity, I now have it figured out. I guess some things you need time and experience to really learn. Most of us aren't born knowing how to "let go". Those of us who are are special and very happy people early on in life.
I still have pictures of full term, happy, healthy, chubby babies up on my "vision board". I am still hoping to fulfill that dream of spending the first night of my baby's life with him or her next to me, not in the NICU, and taking him or her home the next day. Those moments I didn't get with Piper. But I need to approach this so as not to feel like a failure. I need to feel sucess each day, even if it's a small triumph. Baby steps to a baby blanket.....

28 Weeks?!

Sometimes I feel like I've been dreaming this all. I'm not a pregnant human, I'm actually a pregnant elephant whose gestational period is 22 months. There's no way this has only been 28 weeks of my life. I'm handling the bed rest ok, it's the constant up and down of my status that makes this drag on. My stitch, the thing that was gonna hold it all together, slipped out. What? I had such confidence in this thin piece of string. It didn't hurt, I didn't bleed, I didn't know it happened - which my high risk OB has only seen happen a couple of times in his long career. I'm So Proud to be the third added to his list. So last night as I was sitting in the hospital (again), after what was left of the stitch was taken out (THAT I felt), I was thinking. All these failings of my physical body, these failings that were I to live in a different age would leave me childless, are making me stronger.

It wasn't as difficult with Piper. This all happened later in the pregnancy, she was healthy and thrived and I didn't have a little one at home to worry about while I was trying to bring her safely into the world. Well, life with 2 children is different, from the start apparently. This experience is the epitome of motherhood with two children, I would guess. The splitting of my soul without becoming less of a mother to either child. A "two-fer" if you will: Two mom's for one. A cloning of my soul. Or maybe just one soul with 2 gigantic arms. Am I right? I don't know. But I can't help but feel I will be better prepared for motherhood of two when this one gets here than I would be if I didn't have these "incompetencies" (as in "incompetent" cervix - love that term). At least in theory....We'll see. :)

So we will continue on our journey, trying to keep staying positive, but with caution. I'm tired of being let down by my body, honestly. I'm tired of it taking me by surprise. But my little peanut inside of me kicks me now and then to remind me to stop feeling sorry, it'll all be worth it and to remind me that I've overcome my body's failings for 4 big weeks now and I can hang on a little longer.

Nana

I find the struggle of life so bittersweet. My Nana, my Gemini soul mate, who is 84 years old, seems to be done fighting the good fight. And I sit here, unable to go to her, fighting for the life of one not yet with us. There's too much irony here for me to ignore. Nana's body has not yet given up, but her soul has. She has lived an amazing life. Though there were men in her life, she was essentially a single mother of two in a time where that was nearly impossible. She has lived for her children, for the men in her life, for her spirituality, and rarely for herself. She is not yet dying, but it seems as though she is saying "I'm only here for you, not for me." She has every right to say and feel such things. It is not painful for her to do so. She feels this circle is complete and she is ready to move on to the next adventure. And knowing my Nana, an adventure it will be. I can only hope a piece of her will find its way into the soul of the one yet to be born. Because I will miss her dearly and if I could just see a glimpse of her now and then it wouldn't be so bad. Nana knows her journey is complete and we, her family, need to find solace in that. She's done what she was here to do. She has lived her life beautifully, with grace, with humor, with humility and with love. I don't mean for this to be a memorial, because she is not yet gone. But in a way, I guess she is. Pieces of her have been slipping by slowly over the years with the help of Alzheimer's and what is left is only really a glimmer of who she once was. I guess I've been mourning her for some time, now that I think about it. But it never seems natural to do so with someone whose body is still present and who still knows your name. She has passed on a legacy of feminine strength, a wonder of the simple beauty and magic in life, an acceptance of people and life events for who and what they are, a love of a full life without need of material things. She has lived fully. She is loved. She is and will be missed.

26 Weeks!

One more week down! Good news on the OB front. I had a follow-up visit with the high risk OB yesterday and my cervix is longer than it had been from the start (2.5cm compared to 1.8cm in the beginning and 1.1cm the week before). So the surgery was a success. AND I get to sit up. That's right! SIT UP. I do not have to be horizontal all day, I just have to limit time on my feet and activity. I can do that. What? No cleaning, cooking, laundry? Bummer.

While in the hospital on Magnesium Sulfate, feeling miserable I felt a certain sense of DeJaVu. Not just because I was on that awful concoction when I was pregnant with Piper. You see Magnesium Sulfate is a drug that is given by IV to stop contractions. It's very effective. It is a muscle relaxer, but doesn't just relax your uterus. It relaxes your eye muscles so your vision is blurry and you can't keep your eye lids all the way open. It relaxes your smooth muscles so your lungs can't remove gunk, your nose is plugged up, and your bowels all but stop. It makes you nauseous and dehydrates you. It makes you dizzy and you literally feel like your body weighs 500 pounds (and NO I do not actually weigh 500 pounds yet). It's not fun. But it brought back some fun memories. Memories of my college years when I would wake up feeling like that after a night at the bars! Nausea, blurry vision, unable to keep my eyes open, dehydrated and momentarily wanting to die. I had a dream one night in the hospital while on the "Mag" that my mouth was the open end of a cereal box. Those college days were fun. But the fun was had before the misery. This time it's misery first then the sweet reward of a full term healthy babe in my arms. I'll take this time around.

My mom was here for the last week to help. Piper was in heaven. She LOVES her Nana. (I love in this picture how you can see the huge lump of my belly in the foreground!) Having my mom here was such a blessing. I can ask my mom to do all the things I want done that I don't feel comfortable asking anyone else to do. My mom is so wonderful and wise. Not just in the things that she says and does, but in the things she doesn't say or do. Which is why after her being here a week I'm sad to see her go and will miss her. Thanks mom.
A group of our friends have organized a schedule to bring us dinner 4 nights a week. Isn't that amazing?
My sister will be here tomorrow. More fun for Piper and good Sistah time for me.
I'm feeling really good. I am confident this baby will be full term and healthy. I know I can do this, especially now. How could I not with all this support and love. And being able to SIT UP! Good bye heartburn!

25 weeks!

So, things have progressed a bit since my last blog entry! I'm going to use my blog for updates and to keep my sanity because I am now on bed rest - most likely for the duration of the pregnancy. (That would be 12 more weeks.) Here's the update:
On Friday November 2 I went in for my weekly check up of my cervix. My doctor also wanted to start doing a "Fetal Fibronectin" test every 2 weeks starting at 24 weeks. This tests for a protein that is produced before going into labor and can be an indicator of a slightly higher liklihood that I would go into labor in the next 2 weeks. It's not a direct predictor, so they mostly do it because a negative test IS a good indication that you have no higher-than-normal chances of going into labor in the next 2 weeks. In any case, the ultrasound on Friday showed that my cervix had continued to thin but was also dilated to about 1 cm. And the FFN test came out positive. Two scary things at 24 weeks. Put those things together with my history (going into labor at 33 weeks with Piper) and before I knew it I was going to the hospital. Thank God Brooks was with me. When we got to the hospital they monitored my contractions and the baby and started me on a drug to stop labor call Magnesium Sulfate (more on THAT awfulness later). Apparently, even though I was only feeling the occasional contraction I was having them every minute and a half. The drug was doing it's job and stopping/slowing the contractions, but because I am so early in my pregnancy they decided I needed to go to a hospital in Denver. The hospital in Fort Collins can only deal with babies born at 28 weeks and later. That was scary - the idea that this baby could actually be BORN NOW. At 24 weeks.... We pushed that thought from our heads and moved on. I got flown in a flight for life helicoptor to a hospital in Denver Friday night. (Had an awesome view of the sunset over the Rockies!) We had an ultrasound when we got there to check the baby and my cervix and talked to the high risk OB specialist there who recommended a procedure called a cerclage. This is a stitch in the cervix to keep it closed essentially. My doctor had mentioned this possibility earlier, but we had not gotten to the point where it seemed required yet. Eventually the procedure was decided on and sceduled for Sunday. Meanwhile the contractions were staying minimal and the baby was looking good. I under went the cerclage on Sunday, which required a spinal anesthetic and was painless. The procedure went very smoothly and the recovery was minimal. They kept me in the hospital Monday and most of Tues to continue to monitor me and finally sent me home Tuesday, yesterday, afternoon. I am now on bed rest and probably will be on bed rest or at least "modified" bed rest for the duration. But hallelujah I'm HOME. I'm also still on (oral) meds for contractions, but the side effects are minimal. It's actually the drug I was on when I was on bed rest with Piper. So those are the details.
And here we are. Today we are at 25 weeks. Every day, every week that baby stays in my belly is HUGE. I'm feeling good. I feel like everything has gone as well as we could have hoped given the circumstances. I'm grateful I have a cautious doctor who was watching me closely and moved quickly when action needed to be taken. Piper was, of course, well cared for by Grandma and Grandpa. My mom has arrived today and will be here for a week. My sister is then coming to visit. My best friend Kristen is coming to visit, probably in January when time will really feel like it's crawling. It's gonna be ok. I'll survive, and more importantly, this baby is going to make it to at least 37 weeks. I have this vision of having a big healthy baby and taking him or her home with me and I'm stickin to it. I'll continue to update as needed and to vent/keep my sanity on my blog so you all can read it or not. :) But there's the update for now. Keep your fingers crossed!

Blessed

How did I get so lucky? It is only a truly blessed person who when faced with a scary situation can take a look around her at the people in her life and feel lucky. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and had my routine "20 week" ultrasound today. Because of Piper being preterm, they are taking some extra precautions. So today they looked at the baby, but also at my cervix length, which can be an indicator of preterm labor if it shortens prematurely. Good news is the baby looks great. Scary news is that my cervix is "shorter than we'd like". This, for now, means reduced activity and careful monitoring. Yes, I'm anxious and scared, but as I sit here, reviewing my day what I feel most is blessed.
I have the most amazing husband who is truly a partner in life. Who is doing his best to make me feel like this is not my fault and that everything will be ok.
I have in laws who love my little girl to pieces and will do everything in their power to make sure she's taken care of and loved and who are ALWAYS there for us. Always, without question.
I have an amazing mother who knows me inside out and sooths my anxiety with just a few words.
I have a sister who is a best friend and always knows what to say.
I have a long time best friend who is a soul mate, a sounding board and who keeps me sane by making me laugh at life's absurdities.
I have newer friends who act like old friends and would do anything to help and always have time for a hug for me.
I have co-workers who, without hesitation or producing guilt, understand the importance of me doing what is best for me and my family.
I have a beautiful healthy daughter who knows what love is and makes her mommy feel special every day.
And I have a little baby inside of me who I hoped and wished for and who I will do everything in my power to protect and deliver safely into this world.
I don't feel like being funny and witty about this yet, but I'm sure if this progresses to bed rest, I'll need the outlet and look out! You know I'm going to be wickedly funny because I'll be insanely bored. Right now, I just want to express gratitude.

Potty Training, Oh dear.

As I said in the title....Oh dear. The question isn't really Is Piper ready? It's: Am I ready? Do you know what this means? This means having to know where every bathroom in every store is. It means having to ask your child a million times a day, "do you have to go potty?" until not only does she want to kill you but you want to shoot yourself. It means Piper having to learn about disappointment and failure. It means cleaning up undesirable messes that you thought you were past..... sigh. Well, we've taken the plunge. We'll see if I'm ready. We bought pretty new Elmo panties. Pull-ups. Oxy-clean.

I did forget to buy the goggles. I wasn't expecting to need them. But one of the lessons we've both learned is that when you sit on the potty, no matter how much you want to watch the pee come out, you should keep your legs together. Especially if mommy is crouched down in front intently watching for the coveted golden stream. Yep. Learned that one the hard way. Then there was this morning. We had a SUCCESS! Golden stream in the big girl potty. WOOHOO! But I knew there was more. She wasn't ready for part two (as in #2) quite yet so I was letting her run around without pants watching her closely until she was ready. Life has to go on though right? Mommies have to pee too right? So I'm on the big girl potty doing my thing and I hear the other bathroom door slam shut. As quickly as I can I run to the other bathroom and cautiously open the door. There was my proud little girl standing over her poopy.... on the bathroom floor. I guess I'm gonna have to hold it for a few days, weeks?, months? how long is this gonna take? I'm trying to take it all in stride, but after my first full day of really giving it a "go", so to speak, I am pooped, so to speak. But it is rewarding to see the pride in her face when she makes it. It's been really great the handful of times that she's come to me to let ME know she's gotta go. She's no dummy. She just needs to learn all about her plumbing. I know she won't be a twenty year old in diapers, right? I'm in no hurry. All in due time or "poo" time if you will...

Dating again....

I've jokingly mentioned to my non-parent friends how meeting other moms is currently my form of dating. I'm kind of kidding but not really. Here's how it goes:
Mom Dating: I see another mom at the park.
Real dating: I see a hotty at a bar.
Mom Dating: She's got a kiddo around Piper's age.
Real Dating: No ring.
Mom dating: Her kids don't seem bratty, she's not screaming.
Real dating: He's not repulsively drunk and his friends are behaving.
Mom dating: She's around my age.
Real dating: He's not in diapers can't get an AARP discount.
Mom dating: She seems to take good care of herself and her kids.
Real dating: He's really hot.

The Move: I encourage Piper to play "over there". Casually we move closer and listen in on her talking to her child(ren) and decide if we should proceed. Fortunately (unlike with real dating) a conversation is easy to strike. You know you have one thing in common at least. The current topics of choice include potty training, daycare, and kid "equipment" (strollers, bike trainers, big girl beds etc).
Real dating (as I remember...) topics of choice: Drink of choice, lies about how much you really exercise and possibly a deep discussion on astrological signs.

You decide you have enough in common to get together again for a
(mom dating): play date.
(real dating): date date.

You exchange numbers. You go home. You wait. The phone rings. It's not her (him). 2 days go by. The phone rings again (possibly only the 2nd time in these 3 days). Apparently the 3 day rule stands with Mom dating too. It's HER (HIM)!!! You have a great continuation of your conversation and you begin to imagine a future together. Your kids becoming best friends, your husbands hanging out with the kids together while you two go for pedicures, having someone you can trust to call in case of emergency to watch your child for an hour.
(He gets along with your friends and your family approves. He takes you on romantic get-away weekends, all expenses paid. You get married and have kids so you can start Mom dating....)
It's all the same really.
The the first date.
MD: you clean the house Just in case she has to come in to use the bathroom.
RD: You clean the house hoping it's a good enough date to justify inviting him in afterwards.
MD: You scrub up your kid, put her in the cutest outfit you have without overdressing (it is a play date after all). Oh yeah, and you brush your teeth, pull your hair into a pony and wear something other than sweats (something fancy like jeans).
RD: You shave your legs (Priority numero uno), put product in your hair, wear makeup and buy a new outfit.
MD: You anxiously await her arrival.
RD: You anxiously await his arrival.
MD: You meet up, all goes as planned! The kids all behave and have a blast. You two laugh together like you've been friends for years. There's talk of getting the husbands together and future play dates. You make tentative plans for next week and have your kids hug each other goodbye.
RD: He is as hot as you remembered. He takes you to a great restaurant where they have to ask you to leave because you've been so wrapped up in conversation, you don't notice the place closing down. He walks you to your door where he gives you THE kiss. (I'll leave it at that....) As he's leaving he says "I'll call you tomorrow".

The next day. You're on a high. Your life is full of new possibilities. You get home. There are no messages.....
None the next day......
The day comes when you were supposed to have this play date (date). She (he) finally calls....and cancels. Her child is sick. (He has to "work".)

Fortunately, my life is so very full and satisfying right now, so I take this in stride. After all, I am a mom and know what it's like to live with the unpredictability of a child. And unlike with real dating, Mom's don't really need to lie. Moms understand when a kid gets sick, or even if another mom is just feeling worn out and needs a day to lie low. So different from the insecurity of single life and dating. But the excitement in the beginning is the same. Unlike with real dating, I'll give mom-friend another shot. After all, her son could be my daughter's future husband.....

"I two" and Lucky Sister

Piper is two. I really can't believe two years of her life have flown by already. She is a little girl now. As my mom just said "it just keeps getting better". She's right. Every new stage has its down points, but its highs, well, there's just nothing like it.

Although I am sentimental about Piper growing up so soon, I think I would be more so if I knew we weren't about to go through it all again! That's right ladies and gentlemen, we are expecting a little brother or sister for Piper. My due date is February 20! Brooks and I just can't keep our hands off each other so for the second time in 3 years we gave in to temptation and WALA peanut butter sandwiches! We are so very excited. Piper is going to be such a good big sister.

My mom, sister and brother in law were here this weekend to celebrate the Leo brithdays. My sister Tara's birthday is the 13th. If any of you know my sister, you know she is prone to "colorful" language. Before they came, I warned her that Piper is a little parrot now. You REALLY have to watch what you say! Tara was very good and did watch it, which she realized was a good thing after Piper repeated "OH SHOOT!". Thank you T for watching it! :)

Siblings are such a wonderful blessing. I can't wait for Piper to experience that wonderful relationship. My sister has been my best friend- when there seemed to be noone else, my worst enemy - which taught me to deal with adversity and still love the person drooling in my face while I was pinned to the ground, and my Sistah- which if you have a sister, you understand.

She and her wonderful husband Jeff, whom I adore may be moving to Hawaii. Although they now live in Arizona, not exactly next door, Hawaii seems so far. It's a wonderful opportunity for them and I'm so excited for the expereinces they'll have together as a newly married couple.

Yet, today when I said goodbye to my Sistah, I couldn't help but feel my heart tugging. It's probably similar to how I have felt as a parent and will feel many more times. With Piper, that first day of daycare was gut wrenching. Yet I knew it was something I had to do. In the future it'll be kissing her goodbye as she goes to overnight camp for the first time. Then saying goodbye as she drives away with her new license. Then helping her pack up for college or a trip around the world. It may sound wierd to feel that way with my older sister, but I kind of do. During most of our lives, Tara blazed the path. The first to date, the first to drive, the first to get in trouble. But later in life, there have been some things that I have done first. Get married, have a kid, move away from home. As she and Jeff talk about embarking on this adventure I feel a mixture of things I often feel as a parent: pride, concern, certainty that this is a GOOD thing even though it's hard, excitment and of course love. Then I feel the little sister things: She'll be so far, I'll miss her. So as I was saying goodbye, we fell into our roles. Big sister comforting little sister.

Then I start to think of Piper. She will have a lot in common with her Leo Auntie T, whom she calls "T-T". Leos, to start, born leaders. Big sisters, and good ones at that. Very comfortable as the center of attention. And so loving and so loved. I don't doubt I can help Piper become the good big sister she's meant to be. Even though I've never been one myself, I've had a great example set by Tara.

Thank you Tara for being my big sis. I am so excited for you and Jeff and so grateful to have you BOTH in our lives. I LOVE YOU!

Mirror Image

It's so funny as my child grows I see more and more of myself. Sometimes, the not so flattering, sometimes the funny, sometimes the good stuff. We took Piper camping this weekend for her first time - more on that later.... As we were "pine cone hunting" I realized, once again, how observant my child is. After a couple of minutes and several miraculously appearing pine cones(NOT - there were about 15000 in a five square foot radius) Piper started saying "(GASP!) PINE CONE!!" The gasp was one of "surprise". I guess I was doing that to make pine cone hunting a little bit more exciting than it sounds. Not sure if that was for me or her.... Anyway, now everything is a miraculous appearance: "GASP! SHOE!", "GASP! STAIRS!". Ok, so maybe I try to make mundane things interesting with a GASP of surprise. Is that so wrong?

But sometimes, the mirroring tells you you're doing somethings right. Like when she looks at me and says "Mommy's eyes, pretty!". Awwww, melt my heart. I'm glad she knows what it sounds like to get a compliment. Or when she tells me she loves me without me telling her first. Or when she gives her mommy a kiss out of the blue. She is completely loved and now she's able to reciprocate a little, and that's nice.

It helps that her vocabulary is just booming at this point. She is really into naming possessions: ie, "Piper's shoes", "Mommy's shoes", "Daddy's coffee". She even makes up her own words sometimes. "Piper-sault" (Piper somersault), or "Piper-gurt" (Piper's yogurt). I see her daily and I can't keep up on all her new words. Her Dad and I often have to consult on what she means because one or the other will have been there when she discovered this new word or phrase.

She's also starting to sing. Well, it's more like chanting at this point. She gets the words, but not so much the tune. My friend Wendy, who is a beautiful vocalist, said that her son who is 18 mos is getting the tunes, but not the words. Well, as she said, "That's the difference between a child whose mommy can sing and a child whose mommy can't sing!" Yeah, mirrored again.

And does that child love to dance. She's got a new move. I call it her Bill Cosby move. You remember, the black guy who couldn't dance (or at least who's character couldn't dance). Ok, maybe mirrored again.

Despite the beginnings of temper tantrums and aggressive attempts at independence, this is still a fun and magical time. She makes me laugh daily. And a lot of the time I'm laughing at myself.

Did you ever have the feeling....

....there's a geeling on the ceiling? Or a wasket in your basket? Or a zlock behind your clock? Sometimes I feel quite certain......I'm losing my mind! Because more often than I think should be normal, Dr. Seuss authors my inner thoughts. Damn him and his witty prose. Rhyming words no one else would ever even dare to TRY to rhyme. Coming out with these poetic rhythms that could stump even the greatest orators on their first try. But once you master them, you can't turn them off. Sometimes I feel quite certain there's a Rainman in my head. Does this happen to everyone? Maybe it's the heat. Or hormones. Who knows?

What I do know is that no one can say it like Seuss.

If you need a reminder, here's a link:

http://www.seussville.com/main.php?section=home&isbn=&catalogID=&eventID=

I do, actually get to read books other than Seuss. In fact, anyone who knows me knows I'm an avid reader. Currently, I'm reading the famous "In Cold Blood". It's the chilling true story of a quadruple murder in po-dunk Kansas written by Truman Capote. (The movie "Capote" was based on his writing of this book.) I had seen the movie Capote before starting this book. In the movie, Capote seems to go mad, really. After starting this book, which reads like fiction, I can understand why. Not only was it tortuous, I'm sure, to make four people's deaths your life until the book is completed, but the labor that must go into making this book what it has become, I can only imagine. His character development of the victims is unreal when you consider that he never met the individuals themselves. I haven't finished the book yet, but so far I'm impressed.

I love reading. Whether it be Seuss or Capote. To be transported to another world, whether you'd like to live in it or not, is priceless some days. Don't get me wrong. I love my world, it suits me well. But everyone needs a vacation from their lives, don't they? I had this discussion with a friend of mine who is not currently working by choice. She was feeling guilty because she had told her husband that she needed a break. He didn't get it. I do. Whether you work 70 hours a week and get paid, or stay home with your kids working 24-7 and don't get paid, or just stay home because you don't need to work right now. Everyone needs a break from their every-day. And when you don't have the cash to go to Fiji, you can read.

I attribute my love for reading to my mother. She has always been a passionate reader. She stayed at home with us girls until I was 10. I can't imagine why she ever felt the need to escape??? But she did apparently. Mom and I seldom read the same books, but our passion for that escape is the same. My sister and I both took that from mom. And as it turns out, my sister and I both write for a different kind of escape. I hope Piper catches that passion of reading. I think she will. She loves to "read" now. She will happily sit by herself with a book and babble and, more often, will crawl into my lap or Brooks's lap with a book for us to read to her. She even recognizes a few letters. And my time reading with her is another sort of escape. Smelling her freshly washed hair, feeling the warm weight of her relaxed body on mine, hearing her generous giggles at my attempts at silliness while reading (Daddy is much better at the voices than I am). It's the best. It'll turn any day around.

So, here's to reading! Do it for pleasure, do it for growth or knowledge, do it to escape. And enjoy!

Read on Dudes.

Magic

Today I was reminded of some of the things that make childhood such a magical time. Eating corn off the Cob without worrying about if you're left looking like a gomer with corn between your teeth. Staying in the pool until you've lost 15 pounds by shivering and your lips are blue because it's JUST too much fun. Feeling better after a kiss to your Owies. Always laughing at "Eskimo", "butterfly" and "fish" kisses no matter what kind of mood you're in. Only needing to cuddle your cow, bear, bunny and Bambi to turn your brain off enough to sleep peacefully. Only pretending to vacuum and having FUN with it!! Getting excited EVERYTIME you see a goose (even if there are about fifteen hundred in your front yard daily) or in my childhood, a cow (again, fifteen hundred...Wisconsin, remember?).

Childhood is so magical. It's part of what makes parenthood so magical. It makes you see the beauty in the world around you. You open your eyes to what you see every day and suddenly...it's the coolest thing in the world. Flowers, bees, rocks, pine needles, butterflies, corn husks, shoes!! Magical. All over again. Ok, so shoes never lost their magic for me, but the rest, I have to admit I had neglected to see them as magical since I was a kid, until now. Now, they hold potential. Which makes them magical.

It makes me so grateful, once again, to experience this life. And I think of what lies ahead. Sea World, Disney World, camping, skiing, school, slumber parties, Halloween, Christmas, the tooth fairy. All brand new. All newly magical. All because of a child.

You know what phrase comes to mind when I look at those pictures above? "Supreme Enjoyment". When's the last time you supremely, unabashedly enjoyed something new? Or something old for that matter. (or something borrowed or blue?!?) My point is, well you get my point. Life's too short. I've been reminded of that lately by a patient who had a good friend who was 54 years old die suddenly during a run for Special Olympics and by another patient who cares for her almost completely disabled husband who had a massive stroke 9 years ago that "changed our lives a lot". Life's too short in years, too short on enjoyment. Work less. Play more. Live. See the magic in the little things. Slow down and bury your face in the roses even if it makes you sneeze. Stay awake a little longer if it means you spend quality time with your husband. Wake up a little earlier to see that shiny face tucking in her bear, bunny, cow and Bambi before moving on to her day. Stay healthy because it feels good. Eat ice cream because it feels good. Make s'mores. Pick up a pine cone now and then and remember what a miraculous thing it is. Be grateful for the loved ones in your life. Tell them you're grateful for them. Tell them all the good things you think of them and don't hold onto resentments. Forgive, completely. Love, unconditionally. Live, like a child.

A Rant of Gratitude

Whoa- It's been awhile! But since no one reads this, No one knows but me. :) Piper is growing by leaps and bounds. I wish my patience did as well. We are nearing 2 you know. She'll be two in August. She is no longer a baby. She is truly a little girl. There are so many beautiful things about this age. She is such an affecionate little girl. Gives the BEST hugs. Gives Sweet sweet kisses. Says "Love you Daddy" to her daddy and "love you Daddy" to her mommy (Hey, I'll take it). Asks for her T-Bear, Cow, Bambi (whom she calls "Buggy") AND Bunny to cuddle when she goes to sleep. And yes, somehow she gets them ALL in her little arms. She goes to sleep without a whimper and sometimes ASKS to go to sleep. She sees a cow and says "MOOO!", a sheep and she says "BAAAA". Jojo and Lucy bark and she says "Jojo NO! Lucy NO!" (Wonder where she picked that up?). She says Please and Thank You regularly and when she forgets and I prompt her by saying "what do you say?" she replies with: "Sayyyy". She carries around her baby doll and regularly changes her baby's diaper. Probably more regularly than her own diaper gets changed. She helps me dust (really, it IS a help!!). She helps mommy and daddy plant in the garden. She LAUGHS the best belly laugh when she runs through the shower from the hose when we're watering. Really. Could life get any better?

To be honest, I started to blog today because it was one of THOSE days. There are other things that come with an almost 2 year old that aren't so heart warming. But after the above paragraph, I don't feel the need to rant anymore. Those not-so-fun things are so menial when you look at the big picture that way.

So instead I'll "rant" my gratitude. I am grateful for a healthy, smart, loving, beautiful, funny little girl who teaches me wonderful life lessons everyday. It's supposed to be the other way around, but trust me, her teaching me is MUCH more interesting!

I'm grateful for an amazing "renaissance man" of a husband who had the opportunity tonight to come home from his second job early without making any money, but because he knew I needed the break, he came. And who is currently playing a horsey for cowgirl Piper.

I'm grateful for wonderful family. A sister who is a best friend. A new brother-in-law who is more than I could ask for for my sister. A Mom who is such a fun Nana and always listens and makes me see the bright side - or at least a sliver of light. (sometimes I'm tough to get out of a mood) A Mom "in-Law" who has become a second mom and a fantastic Grandma to Piper. Two great bother-in-laws who always make me laugh and keep Piper well dressed and well-loved. A Father "in-law" who always gives and gives and gives.

I feel much better. I AM lucky. I AM grateful. I AM tired,

but that's ok. I mean LOOK at her!

Could it get any better?

Whatever you do, don't laugh

It's so hard not to laugh sometimes. If you've spent any time with a child you know that in a kid's eyes, laughter is the ultimate goal of any behavior or situation. If you laugh, it's over.....and over and over......

IE: New words for Piper these days include "I'm done", "side" (outside), and "down". Very useful words, good ones to know. One of her other new words (here comes the whatever-you-do-don't-laugh part) is "cock". This means sock. And, in case you're unaware, let me tell you how new words with 19 month olds work. The new word is repeated. And repeated. And....repeated....LOUDLY. And if you LAUGH?..... that word will never go away. I know this from experience - thankfully not from the afore mentioned jewel, but from a slightly crude, but cuter, word she got from me: "Toot". As in Fart. I suppose that's what I call them these days. And it got QUITE a laugh out of me when she first said it while squatting in the tub making bubbles. And an even bigger laugh from daddy when he tooted and she called him on it.

It's really so sweet when you think about it. Here's a kid trying the world on for size (for the first time, with most things in her daily life). All she knows is that when mommy or daddy laughs it's a good thing and should be repeated.

Once again, we could learn a thing or two from the innocence of babes. Let's laugh more and make each other laugh more. Who couldn't use a good belly laugh once a day. You know the kind where your head bounces up and down if it's lying on your best friend's belly? Who cares if a toot slips out now and then. That's the best thing about a kid. All they know is that laughter is good. It feels good, it makes their worlds shinier. So what the heck, next time she puts on her choos and cocks, I'm gonna laugh. :)

Little Buddies

This is Piper's little friend Austin who just moved to Wyoming.

We'll miss him!

Clancy and Kristen came to visit from Puerto Rico. We had a great time. Piper and Clancy taught each other a few tricks and entertained everyone.

As my good friend Sarah said, so eloquently, "why do all good times end in jail?"

Then we got a visit from our good friends the Idleman's. Here's Piper and little Erin reading together.

The little girl who cried "Wolf!"

Today, as Piper was on the floor screaming as if her finger fell off (it hadn't), I was reminded of a moment in my childhood. I was (I think) in first grade. I had decided that I needed a day off of school. So I told my mom that I didn't feel well. She looked at me for a long moment and then said "Ok, I'll call school." A little later that day, after much TV and babying by Mom, she sat down next to me and asked "Have you ever heard the story of the boy cried wolf?" I settled in next to her and prepared to hear an exciting tale.

When she finished the "tale" I had that rock in my gut that you get when you realize you disappointed your mother. She gave me her trust and never mentioned that she thought I may be full of it. She knew that earning my respect required her respect of me. She was smart, my mom. Still is, actually.

So thanks for the lesson Mom. I learned a lesson then, and I'm learning a different one now.

18 months, a TALL order

So, it's been awhile since I've written. I guess because no new tragedies have struck that I needed to find a way to laugh about. That's good right?

So Piper had her 18 month appointment a couple of weeks ago (Can you believe 18 MONTHS?!!). I know some people "keep up" with her through this blog so I'll bore you all with details: She weighed in at 19 lbs, 3 oz. She grew a WHOPPING 3 inches since her 12 month appointment and is now 32 inches tall! That brought her from the 40th percentile in height to the 65th!! Obviously, her height will come from the Ramsey side. They say you can double the height of a girl at 2 years old and estimate how tall she will be as an adult - (before she shrinks again on her way out of this world). If we doubled her height now, at 18 months, she'd be 64 inches. That's 5'4" for you arithmetically challenged individuals (I looked it up). That's already 2 inches taller than me, and 2 1/4 inches taller than her Aunt T. (No, we are not shrinking this is as tall as we've EVER been.) And she's still got 6 months to go!! Now, I understand, being taller than my sister and I is no huge feat. HOWEVER, I am now having visions of my child as a star volleyball player, basketball player or runway model! Where as before I was merely envisioning, you know, quantum physicist.

Height is big you know. When you're tall you don't need to find obnoxious ways of attracting attention. When you're tall you get more free stuff. And when you go to Mexico, you are ALWAYS the one to get hit on- at least in my experience with all my tall friends. (Being blond helps too.) Let see what else: Dusting is much easier. You can wear Capri's as Capri's instead of buying surfer shorts to wear as Capri's. You don't have to kill your feet in heels so you don't look like a freaky midget next to your husband at your wedding. Oh, and in the dating world, if you're tall, you find out your date has thinning hair before he kneels down to tie his shoe in front of you on your 5th date.

So yes. Tall is good. Hooray for my tall little girl. OK, I know she won't break any records. But she'll look darn cute in Capri's!

Oh yeah, and she's healthy too. Hooray!

Blossoming Independence

As Piper grows older and wiser, I realize I've been cruising. Not that motherhood has been "easy" so far. But man, this disciplining thing is TOUGH! Up until recently, my sweet babe only wanted to please. If she did something "wrong" it was because she didn't know any better. Ha! That is no longer the case!

I'm so proud of her new abilities that seem to grow every day. But along with these new abilities comes boundary pushing. How far will Mom go? How far will Dad go?

Brooks and I have both had moments in the last week where we were faced with the true struggle of earning a child's respect and teaching her what's right from what's wrong. A child, non the less, who isn't developed enough to form a sentence and gets more information from our tone than our actual words. This is going to be challenging.

Brooks was feeding her breakfast and after telling her for the ump-teenth time to not throw food off her tray he got a little fed up. So he yelled. (He obviously hadn't had coffee yet. Daddy really doesn't EVER yell.) Piper stopped mid-throw, looked up at him with eyes bigger than dinner plates. Her eyelids brimmed with tears and her chin started to wobble. She was so hurt by her daddy yelling at her. He crumbled inside, and later when telling me, it was his turn to experience tear brimming and chin wobble.

Then I got my turn. It was the end of the day and the end of my rope. Piper was pushing her limits just to see how far they would go. I finally realized I was no longer calmly asking her to not do something but had elevated to yelling, fruitlessly. I realized the time had come for a new tactic - time out. So I put her in "time out" in the laundry room. She meekly cried and pitifully tapped on the door until I took her out a mere 60 seconds (read: years) later. It took me 5 times longer than she was in there to console her out of hysterics. But I think I won that one. She hasn't tried to push Those particular boundaries today....

I often second guess myself, is it THAT important that she doesn't play with the dog food? I mean really, it didn't kill me when my sister dared me to eat it and I did. (I really wanted my big sister to think I was cool...) Then I step back and try to look into the future. I picture us at friends' houses. Friends with unfamiliar, food aggressive dogs. I picture Piper going to stick her hand in the dogs bowl and not listening to my warning not to, because, "hey, I never listened before and I'm still here!" Yeah, I guess it's important.

You could say I'm being paranoid projecting into the future like that. And maybe I am. But here's the thing. Whether it's getting into dog food or running across a busy street, Piper needs to know that her mom and dad know best. Even if we don't always make the best decisions for ourselves, it is now our job, our responsibility, to get Piper to adulthood with all 10 fingers and toes intact. I'm not naive and I know I won't be able to protect her under all circumstances and in all situations. But I know I have to try my best.

I want our child to be a happy, confident, respectful human being. And when I look at friends' kids who are that way there is one common denominator. Their children Listen to what they say because the parents have earned the respect of their children. I'm still trying to learn how they did that, but I think it has something to do with us, as parents, "knowing best" and doing our best to be right.

So here we go. A new chapter in our journey of parenthood. Discipline, with a capital D. Wish us luck....