Oy!

Woo! It's been over a week since I've written. Well I've been busy.... NO not with new baby. New baby is still very comfy and happy to stay put. I was released from bed rest as of last Wednesday and I'm making the most of my time. Let me just say - having a 25 pound "appendage" (as Brooks calls it) sticking out in front of your body wreaks havoc! Oy my back. Oy my feet. Oy my pelvis. Oy. But I have to say the aches and pains I am feeling now after being up are minimal to the aches, physical and mental, I had while on bed rest.
Can I just tell you how good it is for my soul to take control of my home again? No one sees your home as you do. No one notices the cobwebs you do. No one loads your dishwasher the right way. No one uses the good towels for guests only and the old towels for under the dirty humidifier like you do in YOUR home......(INCLUDING your husband!) Oy. I'm so grateful for the help we've received and so grateful for being back on my feet.
There is also the sweetness of being a partner in parenting again. Playing with Piper, holding her, putting her to sleep, bathing her, even disciplining her. She's so much fun and she likes having mommy back, I think. Although we're anxious to hold our new little bundle, I think this time, off work, home with Piper, is so precious. She's not going to be an only child for much longer....
So, no baby yet. I'll be "full term" - 37 weeks- in 2 days. Apparently there are still things to do. Oy.

Top Three Ways to Love Your Cervix

I don't think I can actually write on this topic, but the picture and title cracked me up -(a health awareness dealy-bob from planned parenthood). Eye catching don't you think? Maybe if I show my cervix a little more love, it'll love me back?!

Let's talk about dreams. I was perusing the MSN home page this morning and one of their topics was dream interpretation. I have the time. I interpreted. Every one who knows me well, knows that I have ALWAYS had very vivid, often funny, sometimes prolific or problem solving dreams. Magnify that X10 and you have my pregnancy dreams.

My mom tells a story about the time when I was a toddler (3 year old?) and I woke up and calmly explained to my mom how Cookie Monster came out of the TV and put a crack in my wall. I also remember dreaming as a child about how my many stuffed animals all came to life after I feel asleep and would argue about who was my favorite. This lead to much distress that was only resolved by having ALL of my stuffed animals sleep with me so no one felt left out.

When I was pregnant with Piper I had a doozy where I and a co-worker of mine (who's last name is Ott) were detectives and partners. Among the amusing things included in the dream were the "aliens" we ("Detective Ott and Detective Hot") were chasing down. When they exited the UFO they looked like Jesus in all his toga glory (please no one take offense - these are the opinions of my subconscious not necessarily the whole entity...).

This pregnancy has held many more vivid dreams, some strange, some obviously revealing my desires, some comforting, some not. Last night I was sitting on a gently windy beach alone in the night with only the moonlight to see by and suddenly a wave came up unexpectedly and covered me completely. It was warm and I laughed about it. It was very peaceful. It was interesting to read that dream glossary this AM regarding that dream. Here are some of the key "findings".

Beach:
1. A beach is where the earth meets the water; hence, dreaming of standing on a beach looking out at the water implies intense spiritual experiences ahead. 2. Swimming in the surf implies becoming involved in deep emotions; hence this could imply a new love, the birth of a baby, or the appearance of a long-term friend. 3. Working on a beach warns that difficult times lie ahead financially, and that you may need to either seek help or work that much harder to make ends meet. 4. Lying on a beach is a dream of contrary, hinting that you better enjoy yourself now, because you will soon be too busy to do much relaxing.

Moon
An astrological symbol relating to the emotions. If the Moon is full and bright, much happiness and success lie ahead. If the Moon is new or in the crescent phase, you may not be aware of your own feelings with regard to specific circumstances. A Moon partly or fully obscured by clouds hints at outside matters affecting feelings that you’re currently unaware of, yet still need to deal with.

Night
1. A dream of a clear, starry night, with a full moon, is an omen of positive things to come. A dark, cloudy night with no moon represents the dreamer’s fears. Look to other symbols in the dream to discern what the fears are. 2. If in the dream the night is hindering the dreamer, he should expect obstacles and delays in something dear to him.

Ocean
Life. One of the few universal symbols. An active ocean, teeming with life, with high waves and crashing surf, implies that life will soon become much busier. A calm ocean: A peaceful life. A stormy sea: Trouble ahead. The need to be prepared.

Wind
The wind represents movement, and the type of movement involved is dictated by the circumstances.1. Dreaming of being out in a cold, blustery wind implies having to take action under adverse circumstances.2. Dreaming of a calm, gentle wind that caresses your face is reassurance that you are surrounded by people who deeply love and care for you. A brisk, steady breeze portends success in business enterprises.3. Being caught up in an extreme form of wind such as a cyclone or tornado is a warning to get your affairs in order now if you don’t want to have a lot of trouble later.

Interesting isn't it? Dream interpretation is one of those things that you're often not surprised by the answers, but it's funny how the subconscious brings certain things to your own surface at certain times in your life. In the end I think last night's dream told me what I already knew: I'm ready and able. A few days ago I started freaking out because I felt I had not prepared myself mentally for labor and I didn't feel ready. Today, I feel ready. I would still like a little more time for my body to get ready, but my mind is there. I feel strong (ironically) and secure in the knowledge that my body will do what it needs to do when that time comes.

Of course if I'm not ready at least I'll have Brooks' 11 year old student to help deliver the baby. (His dream last night).

Tough Guy

It's a time for miraculous things to happen. If you read my blog regularly, you know my Nana was struggling with wanting to live around the same time I was put on bed rest. 5 days before my initial hospital visit, Nana, my mom's mom, was hit by a car while walking across the street. (My poor mother would probably like to forget that week.) Although her physical injuries were not life threatening (thank God), her mental strength and positive attitude were hit hard. She seemed to have made up her mind that her life was over. She asked for a DNR (do not resuscitate) order and never gave it the old "college try" with Physical therapy and thus ended up basically bed-bound (kind of an interesting coincidence huh?). This was very unexpected to all who knew her.

Well. Miracles DO happen. On Sunday, shortly before I went to the hospital, while mom, my sister and her husband were visiting Nana, she decided she wanted to go for a WALK! And walk she did. Alzheimer's can truly be a blessing as she has apparently forgotten that she wasn't walking. They have taken the wheelchair out of her room and she continues to CHOOSE to walk daily. She needs a little help, but she is walking.

I am taking this as a sign. Remember that Chinese woman I wrote about? The one who was full term, 7 centimeters dilated and held off delivery for a day and a half because she wanted her child born in a different Chinese year? And now my Nana, who decided she couldn't walk any more and didn't. Then decided she could walk and DID - after being in bed for 11 weeks - at 84 years of age! 4 centimeters - PHOOOEY!

I know it's not something to take lightly -where I am medically - if I want a baby that's not born until 36+weeks (8 days away). But today I am 34 weeks and 6 days - I've beat my record (Piper was born at 5:30 am at 34wks+6d). I'm up for actually pummeling the record, what do you say Cervix? Can you take it? Huh? Tough guy? Bring IT!

Back to Nana. This ability and desire to move means she can get out of her care facility for short periods of time and enjoy some of the things she did before. She can go to my mom's house for the day and hang out with her family and her dog. I don't know what moved her to move. I don't know how long it will last. But it brings me so much joy that she is finding a way to believe in life again. Knowing Nana, she probably just said, "well if I'm not gonna die, I guess I better actually live."

Nana, I know this isn't about pride for you. But I have to say I'm so proud to be your grand daughter and fellow Gemini - at sometimes I feel you are my other half. Our lives and thoughts often so closely parallel each other's. Your way of being is so pure, easy and true. I hope this moving around thing lasts at least until I can show you your new great grand baby and put my arms around you. I love you.

4 BIG ONES

Centimeters, that is. Yup. It creeps me out a little. We went to the hospital last night because of increasingly regular contractions and I measured 4 cm dilated. Wow....

They were able to stop the contractions, or at least stablize them with one shot of Terbutaline and I was sent home. My doctor was actually on call - which was a nice change from having to give my entire history again. She feels at this point she would not be very agressive with trying to stop labor (ie magnesium sulfate). If it can be stopped with "a squirt of Terb" great, if not, here we go folks. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday to check the placenta and amniotic fluid levels to make sure baby's ok. I'll be 34 weeks and 6 days tomorrow - that is when Piper was born. To use the phrase my doctor used, I'm like a "Jenney-O turkey" my "done button" may just pop at close to 35 weeks! Gobble gobble....

Here are some other things that are 4 cm:

The metal end to a key--before you get to the rounded bit at the top.

The plastic lid to a flash drive.

This vegetable (in diameter).

This silver dollar.

This paper clip.

Just to give you an idea. I'm not "there" yet, mentally. I'm not quite ready for labor, so this baby'll just have to wait a little longer! Keep your fingers crossed!

We're ALL getting ready for baby....

It's time to tuck baby Elmo in for a nap.
Then everyone else needs a pull-up change!

Then we rub and kiss the baby in mommy's belly...

Brooks says "the thing I don't remember about your belly last time is the 'overhang'". Hmmm. It IS sort of "Shelf-like"....

The Home "Streeeeetch"

Here's a picture of my belly eating my friend Joy's belly. She is 21 weeks in this picture (I'm 33 weeks here) and just starting to get a cute little roundness in her mid-section. Ahhh, those were the days. AND by the way, SHE does NOT have an "incompetent" anything!

To call what is happening to my body "stretching" is, really, not adequate. I was nowhere near this round with Piper. I'm thinking of renting a crane to get me out of bed to go to the bathroom. Granted some of this large feeling could be coming from my now deconditioned bod, but still. A crane would be nice. Too bad my birthday isn't until June....

This morning, I was remembering a moment. A moment that occurred almost 13 weeks ago. Brooks and Piper came with me for my Ultrasound at 21 weeks when we found out my cervix was short. Not much was said in the ultrasound room and I didn't see the doctor until later that afternoon, so we didn't really know what it all meant. But there was this moment as we were leaving. Brooks was taking Piper with him and she wanted me to pick her up before they left. Brooks' eyes met mine over her silky hair. We both knew we had a difficult road ahead. We didn't know exactly what it looked like, but in that look we said to each other "hold on, here we go...". Both of our eyes held fear, sadness, trepidation, but also, our daughter. She was worth anything we went through and we would've gone much further if needed. Turns out she was just a warm up.

We have come so far. almost 10 weeks on bedrest now. Too many trips to the hospital. Too many pokes, prods, drugs, ultrasounds. I am so proud of us that we are where we are. I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow. Piper was born a day before I turned 35 weeks, so this next week will be another huge milestone for us. The end is in sight. I can get up in 2 weeks. It has literally taken a village just to get this babe into the world safely. I hope it doesn't take a metropolis to raise him/her.

I have thanked a lot of people, and my thanks will never do what everyone has done justice. But there is one other soul I need to thank and that is my daughter Piper. Someday, Piper, maybe you'll read this. The joy you bring to my life every day is immeasurable. To think, is it possible to multiply infinity times 2? I'm willing to do whatever it takes to find out. There is a reason you came to our lives first. I know this isn't the only reason you were first, but at this moment, I thank you for this.

She's growing so fast. It is so bittersweet. As she began to understand more and more language and started to be able to use it she always used the word "pwease" for anything affirmative. It was heart melting, so I never corrected it. For example:

Mommy: Piper, would you like milk?

Piper: Pwease.

Mommy: Piper do you like your dress?

Piper: Pwease.

Mommy: Piper, would you like a cookie or a piece of cake?

Piper: Pwease. (that actually may NOT be incorrect usage of the word - I usually opt for both as well.)

Well, as all kids do, she has progressed with her language and now says "yes", "yah", or nods her head instead of saying "pwease" for every affirmative. She's still polite, she just uses it correctly. I'm so sad to see that go, yet proud of her for her new understanding.

We're also working on moving her to a big girl bed. She still continues to choose her crib, and I'm not forcing the issue. In fact part of me is cheering her on. "YES! Stay young, stay a baby, stay dependent, say pwease!". But the bigger me knows, it's gonna happen and it's our job to guide her, not hold her back. And I'm mostly "Big" right now, but just in size. :)

Piper makes me belly laugh almost daily. And the baby in my belly knows it. I can't wait to see them as siblings. No wonder this little peanut is anxious to get here. I'm so excited to meet him/her (and to KNOW if the baby is HIM OR HER!), but I would like to wait another 2-3 weeks, Pwease. :)

For those of you who need/want numbers (I'm one of those, by the way), when I was checked last week I was 2 cm dilated and 80-90% effaced. This week she did not check me, but I measured 32 cm vertically, which is on the SMALL??? side of the normal range for 34 weeks - she says this is because the baby has dropped and is below the pubic bone where they measure from.