Nana

I find the struggle of life so bittersweet. My Nana, my Gemini soul mate, who is 84 years old, seems to be done fighting the good fight. And I sit here, unable to go to her, fighting for the life of one not yet with us. There's too much irony here for me to ignore. Nana's body has not yet given up, but her soul has. She has lived an amazing life. Though there were men in her life, she was essentially a single mother of two in a time where that was nearly impossible. She has lived for her children, for the men in her life, for her spirituality, and rarely for herself. She is not yet dying, but it seems as though she is saying "I'm only here for you, not for me." She has every right to say and feel such things. It is not painful for her to do so. She feels this circle is complete and she is ready to move on to the next adventure. And knowing my Nana, an adventure it will be. I can only hope a piece of her will find its way into the soul of the one yet to be born. Because I will miss her dearly and if I could just see a glimpse of her now and then it wouldn't be so bad. Nana knows her journey is complete and we, her family, need to find solace in that. She's done what she was here to do. She has lived her life beautifully, with grace, with humor, with humility and with love. I don't mean for this to be a memorial, because she is not yet gone. But in a way, I guess she is. Pieces of her have been slipping by slowly over the years with the help of Alzheimer's and what is left is only really a glimmer of who she once was. I guess I've been mourning her for some time, now that I think about it. But it never seems natural to do so with someone whose body is still present and who still knows your name. She has passed on a legacy of feminine strength, a wonder of the simple beauty and magic in life, an acceptance of people and life events for who and what they are, a love of a full life without need of material things. She has lived fully. She is loved. She is and will be missed.