28 Weeks?!

Sometimes I feel like I've been dreaming this all. I'm not a pregnant human, I'm actually a pregnant elephant whose gestational period is 22 months. There's no way this has only been 28 weeks of my life. I'm handling the bed rest ok, it's the constant up and down of my status that makes this drag on. My stitch, the thing that was gonna hold it all together, slipped out. What? I had such confidence in this thin piece of string. It didn't hurt, I didn't bleed, I didn't know it happened - which my high risk OB has only seen happen a couple of times in his long career. I'm So Proud to be the third added to his list. So last night as I was sitting in the hospital (again), after what was left of the stitch was taken out (THAT I felt), I was thinking. All these failings of my physical body, these failings that were I to live in a different age would leave me childless, are making me stronger.

It wasn't as difficult with Piper. This all happened later in the pregnancy, she was healthy and thrived and I didn't have a little one at home to worry about while I was trying to bring her safely into the world. Well, life with 2 children is different, from the start apparently. This experience is the epitome of motherhood with two children, I would guess. The splitting of my soul without becoming less of a mother to either child. A "two-fer" if you will: Two mom's for one. A cloning of my soul. Or maybe just one soul with 2 gigantic arms. Am I right? I don't know. But I can't help but feel I will be better prepared for motherhood of two when this one gets here than I would be if I didn't have these "incompetencies" (as in "incompetent" cervix - love that term). At least in theory....We'll see. :)

So we will continue on our journey, trying to keep staying positive, but with caution. I'm tired of being let down by my body, honestly. I'm tired of it taking me by surprise. But my little peanut inside of me kicks me now and then to remind me to stop feeling sorry, it'll all be worth it and to remind me that I've overcome my body's failings for 4 big weeks now and I can hang on a little longer.