Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged. So much has changed, yet it's all just the same... Quinny is walking, babbling, showing her strong spirit and showing her strong love more and more everyday. Piper is.....Piper is.....Well, Piper is 3. Some days Piper is so mature, has real conversations with you (without whining), shares (without whining), eats (you guessed it, without whining), smiles, laughs and loves. Some days, not so much. We have hit our first, of many I'm sure, mom versus daughter stages. Why is it that it's so easy to enter into power struggles with a 3 year old? I mean really? What do I have to prove? And to who? I think what it comes down to is this. My first Job in this crazy life is "Mom". It's first because it's most important. It's first because it's my most loved position. It's first because it will not take a back seat to anything. Including my ego. Which I have to remind myself of in situations like these. The power struggle is entered because I feel a need sometimes to "win one". Just this one. Please. Because I need to feel in charge. Because I've been feeling like I'm not running the show. And when it's my first job, my most important job, my most loved job, that I feel I'm not in control of, I fight. I'm not saying it's the correct reaction, it's just that, a reaction. From the gut. Ask anyone who knows me well and they'll tell you, I'll fight to protect what I love. So in a weird convoluted way, I'm fighting, entering these power struggles because I love her and I love my job as her mommy.
It's so difficult sometimes to push your mood, your needs, your desire to "check out" aside and push forward. Onward weary soldier. This isn't every day. In fact it's not most days. Most days, it's just life. It's just hanging with my girls. It's just having lunch, having naps, and having a good time at the park. But some days. Some days. I am a soldier. A really grumpy one. And on those days, it's hard to just be mommy and not be mommy with an ego and something to prove. I realize, on those days, that on each day I actually walk a pretty thin line between mommy and Ego Mommy.
Three year olds are a needy bunch. They need love. They need understanding. They need patience. They need to put their shoes on by themselves, and then they need you to help them figure out which is the right foot. Some days, like today, I hear all day: "Mommy I need (fill in the blank)." Over and over again. Today, after Piper's Daddy came home and I had had a few moments to sooth Ego Mommy's soul, Piper and I were cuddling and she said "Mommy I need.... I need..... I need you." Well said love bug. You do need me. You need me to just be mommy. You are three. And I? I need you. I am your thirty-three year old mommy. And I need you.
