Strong

I feel strong. It feels good. I'm able to do poses in yoga I have never been able to do before. I'm enjoying running like I never have before. But it's not just physical. I am feeling refreshed as a mom. I am feeling refreshed as a wife. As a friend. As a physical therapist. I don't know what has lead to this evolution. Maybe it's age- let me rephrase that - Maturity. Who knows. But I know I'm feeling on the edge of a change in my life. Part of this I know has to do with my "baby" turning One Year Old at the end of the month. Yes, I'm partially mourning the end of babyhood. I will miss the coos, replaced with the "no!"'s. I will miss the acceptance of anything put on her plate, replaced with "No!". I will miss the outstretched arms for "mama", replaced with "Down!". I won't see it again as a mom. And it is such a sweet, sweet time. But. Quinny turning One Year Old is also a big transition for me. It means new fun phases to experience with her. In a completely different way then they were experienced with Piper. Partially because my vision is colored with "savor this time, it's the last 1st birthday you'll ever host". And partly because they are such completely different people. And, it means a new kind of freedom. Freedom from the intense worry you feel with such a little helpless peanut who is sick and can't tell you what's wrong. Freedom from regular night wakings. Freedom from a two-nap-a-day schedule. Freedom from teething. Breast feeding. Bottles. And a return to self. I am a stronger self. One fuller of spirit. A mom of two beautiful girls, but also, just me. A renewal of my identity apart from a mom. Of course, being a mom is still my primary role and identity (won't it always be?). But I feel a strengthening of that branch of my self that is just me. Just Mia. Not mama mia, not wife mia, just me-mia. There will be more time for me in days to come. There will be more reading for pleasure, less reading for parenting advice. There will be more time away without kids. I will always cherish these first 3 1/2 years of motherhood. None could have been sweeter. And there's a small part of me that doesn't want to move on. But there is a bigger part that knows there are even better moments (could it be possible?) ahead. In theory, I know nothing could be more rewarding than watching your kindergartner take the first step towards her new classroom, full of excitement and joy - and maybe a little fear, but knowing she'll be ok. Knowing, I've done all I can up to this point to help her become this individual little person. Or watching your daughter accept her first degree. Or have a little one of her own and watching her become the mommy you always strived to be to your own children. This part of me that knows this is strong. Chin up. Shoulders back. Onward. Strong.