My very good friend Kristin recently lost her 27 year old little brother tragically when a small plane he was piloting went down shortly after take off. He left behind not only Kristin and her family, but his own budding little family: his wife Lauren and his daughter MacKenzie who was born in June, a couple of months after his death. As Kristin lives in Arizona I hadn't been able to put my arms around her and give her the hug I've been wanting to give her since I heard the news until yesterday. We met up to camp with our families for one night while they were in Colorado to see other family.
Speaking with her of her loss brought back strong feelings of the loss of my Dad. I asked her, "Do you feel him with you sometimes?". She answered, without hesitation, "all the time". Me too. I feel my Dad's presence, not all the time, but often. Grief is a funny thing. It doesn't hit you all at once. It hits you a week after the tragedy. A month after. 2 years after when your first daughter is born. 4 years later when your second daughter is born. It doesn't really stop. It gets less painful, less bitter, more sweet. But I don't think you ever fill that emptiness that he filled. It becomes less of a pothole in your soul and more of a crack in the sidewalk, but those cracks help make up who we are. Those cracks of emptiness make us complete as human beings who have loved deeply, unconditionally, and lost tragically.
Kristin showed me a picture of Brian's daughter MacKenzie. She is her daddy. Sometimes when I look in Quinn's blue, blue eyes, I see my daddy. They have both left their footprints here. The thought of MacKenzie never getting to know her daddy hurts. The thought of how his wife Lauren has to move on and can't stop to grieve because she's now a mommy - alone - there really are no words to express that sadness.
Brian lived his life completely and passionately. Kristin said, almost as if he knew his life would be cut short. MacKenzie's short life is already blessed with family that will shower her with love and help her to know her daddy as well as she can. I know her daddy is with her. Just as he is with Kristin and Lauren and his parents. The ones we love never completely leave us. They might go away for awhile, but they return. Usually when you need them most and don't even know it.
Kristin, Lauren, MacKenzie - Brian was a wonderful man, full of passion, energy, humor and love. I'm so sorry for your loss. Embrace your grief, go ahead a lose it when you need too. And then remember how he lived.
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