Tulips. Green grass. Allergies. Flip flops. Picnics. Kite flying. And most interesting to Piper, Bugs. She has discovered Bugs. They move! They fly! They are EVERYWHERE! To that end, they are in our house. At least A bug is in our house. A spider. A big one. I don't like spiders. I'm a little afraid of the ugly arachnoid to be honest. But I don't want to pass that fear on if possible - fear being a learned behavior to some degree and all. So I am trying to feign interest in front of Piper. I'm trying to look at it scientifically. I have my degrees in science based subjects after all. Bugs are just bugs. Spiders are just spiders....with eight, hairy, creepy legs and a big, fat, round, creepy body, and eyes - let's not go there.
Today, we spent the morning tracking the spider from the vaulted ceiling to her home (EWWWWWWWWWW!) complete with offspring (EWWWWWWWW!) in the corner of my living room. Writing about this is making my nose itch. Piper named the spider. Her name is "Fly". Why did I encourage this? You do realize, I now have to look at Fly as a pet. I cannot kill Fly. I cannot release Fly into the wild - what would her babies (again, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!) do without her? What am I doing?
Where did this irrational fear of spiders come from? I don't know. My mom isn't really all that creeped out by spiders. I'm sure she doesn't relish the thought of sharing her space with them, but she can rid herself of them without a pep talk before and psycho-therapy after. (And, by the way, the animated Charlotte - of "Charlotte's Web" did NOTHING to warm me to spiders. She was creepier than any I've seen in real life.)
And HOW am I really going to keep my fear unnoticed. I mean really. Piper isn't dumb - far from it. She knows when I'm sad. She knows when I'm mad. I'm sure she knows when I'm about to crap my pants. (I wish she knew when SHE was about to crap her pants - but that's another subject.)
Maybe a little dose of fear is good though. There ARE spiders that WILL hurt you. Fly is PROBABLY not one of them, but you make friends with one and before you know it, you're hosting "Spiders Gone Wild, 2008".
I guess I can deal with having Fly around. After all, she's more afraid of me than I am of her, right? And her little babies, they won't leave her cozy little nest. Right?.....RIGHT?! WHAT? They will scatter like the little baby Charlottes with parachutes (going "weeeeee!") in "Charlotte's Web" all the way up to my bed???!! (I guess that movie really scarred me.) Ok, ok, breathe. I can have Brooks kill Fly tomorrow. Piper will never know. I'm an awful mother. One with real fears and a very itchy nose and a need to sleep without worrying about baby spiders invading my space. Or snakes. Or cockroaches, GOD. I better stop now.
Today, we spent the morning tracking the spider from the vaulted ceiling to her home (EWWWWWWWWWW!) complete with offspring (EWWWWWWWW!) in the corner of my living room. Writing about this is making my nose itch. Piper named the spider. Her name is "Fly". Why did I encourage this? You do realize, I now have to look at Fly as a pet. I cannot kill Fly. I cannot release Fly into the wild - what would her babies (again, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!) do without her? What am I doing?
Where did this irrational fear of spiders come from? I don't know. My mom isn't really all that creeped out by spiders. I'm sure she doesn't relish the thought of sharing her space with them, but she can rid herself of them without a pep talk before and psycho-therapy after. (And, by the way, the animated Charlotte - of "Charlotte's Web" did NOTHING to warm me to spiders. She was creepier than any I've seen in real life.)
And HOW am I really going to keep my fear unnoticed. I mean really. Piper isn't dumb - far from it. She knows when I'm sad. She knows when I'm mad. I'm sure she knows when I'm about to crap my pants. (I wish she knew when SHE was about to crap her pants - but that's another subject.)
Maybe a little dose of fear is good though. There ARE spiders that WILL hurt you. Fly is PROBABLY not one of them, but you make friends with one and before you know it, you're hosting "Spiders Gone Wild, 2008".
I guess I can deal with having Fly around. After all, she's more afraid of me than I am of her, right? And her little babies, they won't leave her cozy little nest. Right?.....RIGHT?! WHAT? They will scatter like the little baby Charlottes with parachutes (going "weeeeee!") in "Charlotte's Web" all the way up to my bed???!! (I guess that movie really scarred me.) Ok, ok, breathe. I can have Brooks kill Fly tomorrow. Piper will never know. I'm an awful mother. One with real fears and a very itchy nose and a need to sleep without worrying about baby spiders invading my space. Or snakes. Or cockroaches, GOD. I better stop now.
2 comments:
Laughter, Mia...til tears run! I do not care what the poets write about Motherhood....this is pure and unabridged truth. Have Brooks kill the creepy little thing. You will be telling another truth when you say that Piper will see Fly(or a Fly relative) outside where she'd rather be anyway. Are you also looking for a solution to this situation?...Get a bug-jar...a good one...with a lid and no breathing holes.
Love, Mom
Spider Killer. Meanie.
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