Worry capacity FULL

It's funny the things you forget about mothering a newborn:

Did we REALLY just go through ANOTHER whole pack of diapers? They cost HOW MUCH?

Does she really need her face POWER sprayed with milk every time she pulls off? I wish my garden hose had that much pressure. (I've decided she must secretly love that. Imagine being sprayed in the face with liquid chocolate - it MUST be something THAT good.)

WHEN will I learn not to change a diaper on the couch without a changing pad underneath?

Is it essential to have 15 burp clothes in a 5 foot vicinity? And more importantly, which one did she pee on?

Yes, the plumbing is funky and really meant for twins. Sucking on one breast gets the goods flowing in BOTH - be prepared.

And then there is the endless stream of worry. Though it is less stressful the second time around, there is no shortage of new catastrophic dangers you need to avoid. Somehow as your first child grows these dangers seem less dangerous. But NOW you have this fragile being completely dependent on you to not let her get cancer, EVER. If she EVER gets cancer it's because I used the wrong bottles, lotions, soaps, detergents, left her in partial sunlight for too long without PABA free 50 spf sunblock - or worse yet sunblock with PABA! (what the hell is IS PABA?) All I know is that it's a marketers dream, this phase of mothering a newborn. All one has to do is put " (fill in the blank) Free!" on a product, and I'm sure it's something I should buy because I don't have time to keep track of which things are going to kill my daughter and which things may mearly make her retarded - excuse me, I mean "developmentally delayed". I cannot continue to worry endlessly about every new article I read. My capacity for worrying is as full as I want it to be. So, I will just spend the extra money to buy the "_________ FREE!" products. I'm a sucker.

I am truly enjoying this time though. I am worrying so much less this time, because I know it does me, and Quinn, no good. Which leaves me more time to soak it all in and appreciate it. Because I tell you what! It AIN'T happening again! At least not if it involves pregnancy. But really, I fall in love with Quinn all over again every time she looks into my eyes. It's that butterflies in your stomach kind of love. The kind where you could literally just EAT her up, but you settle for a million kisses on all her beautiful tiny parts. (well not ALL her parts...) And I get that same feeling watching Piper be a wonderful big sister. It's amazing to me how she loves Quinn intrinsically. Like Quinn was a piece of herself she didn't know she was missing. I'm so grateful they get to experience the wonder and joy of sister-hood. And so grateful I get to be a new mom one more time.

Initiation SUCKS

The Baby is here!! And initiation into parenting of 2 was a little rough today. Poor big sister Piper has been sick and did not sleep well last night. So she was a little needy all day. I was feeling pretty good about how things were going, however. She wanted to be in my lap while I was nursing her little sister, but we worked that out. She wanted me to play when I was putting little sister down for a nap. Worked that out too. In fact, I was just saying to my friend how I was sure it would get harder, but so far, I was feeling competant. (A nice change...)

It was time to feed little sister so I put Piper in front of the computer to play "games" with some juice and a cereal bar. She hadn't eaten hardly anything all day due to being sick but she LOVES those bars so I thought it was a sure thing. I came down to check on her before I sat down to nurse and noticed only one bite taken from the bar. Then I heard whining and saw arms reaching up to me and only heard "I want attention now that you're about to nurse" which was actually probably more like "mommy I don't feel well....". (Hence the name of this blog "Mom of the Year in full glory.) I asked her to come sit on the couch next to me with her snack while I fed her little sister. We had just settled in, baby going to town on the boob and Piper was standing in front of me still whining. All of a sudden, exorcist style, up came all she had to eat today: juice (red) and cheese. All. Over. Me. (Fortunately the baby was covered with a blanket.)

WHAT DO I DO FIRST??

The dogs are excitedly cleaning up (gag), Piper is crying and miserable, the baby is still eating, I'm soaking wet with puke - I'm surprised the phone and doorbell didn't ring. I set the baby down at a safe distance from this disaster - and now she's screaming because of the boob interuption - strip down Piper, myself and plop her in front of the TV, which I had JUST told her she couldn't watch any more of today..... Oh, is THIS what it's really like??? Oh boy. What did I get myself into?!

I haven't yet gotten to the "Birth Announcement" on my blog. So here it goes!

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!

Quinn Melaina Ramsey was born on January 30, 2008. 5 pounds, 11 oz. 18.25 inches long. 37 weeks TO THE DAY!! Can you believe it? I took my last Procardia (anti contraction med) at noon on the 29th. I had a OB appointment at 3:30 that afternoon. As I was sitting in the waiting room, I noticed I had had several contractions in the last hour. When the doctor checked me she said I was 5cm dilated, 90% effaced. She predicted I would have our baby by 3 AM. We went home and started dinner. When I realized the contractions weren't slowing, I sat down and started timing them. Thankfully, my best friend Kristen was here visiting. Soon, contractions were stronger and 5 minutes apart. We went to the hospital around 7pm. We were so excited and hopeful that this was really "it"! I was checked and was still at 5 cm, 100% effaced. So off we went! At about 11pm I was at 7 cm. Soon after, everything seemed to stop. Contractions slowed and were less strong despite our attempts to keep things going: walking, jumping jacks (just kidding - but only because my feet hurt too bad). I was getting exhausted, as was Brooks. I took a bath then laid down for a bit to rest. When I was checked again, I was still at 7 cm. That's when the Doctor (not my OB unfortunately) suggested breaking my water. From our previous experience with Piper (who was born 20 minutes after the water was broken), we were pretty sure that would do the trick. After he broke the water he said "well, I'll check back on ya in about an hour". Brooks's response was "or...sooner....?" We started walking again and before long I had to really focus on breathing through the contractions that were lasting about 80 seconds and about 30 seconds apart. All of a sudden.... "Pushing!!!!!!!!!!!" came out of my mouth. It hit like a freight train. The doctor came in and casually mentioned he would check my dilation then realized that was unneccessary as he could see the baby CROWNING. He saunters over the the sink and says, "I'll just wash my hands..." You haven't washed your HANDS yet? This baby is a-COMIN! Get your ASS over here! The whole time Brooks and the nurse are telling me to NOT push. Impossible. Absolutely impossible. Finally Mr. Clean Hands gets to the bed and in three pushes, she was out. Brooks saw first that she was a girl. I was so happy. I did not even realize how much I wanted another girl until that moment. About 2 minutes later Brooks exclaims "We don't have to buy any clothes!" From my water breaking to birth was about 38 minutes. Quinn was born at 3:15 am. (wow, that's good predicting Doc.) I got my dream. Quinn did not leave my side for the next day and a half that we were in the hospital. I slept that first night with her sweet baby breath on my cheek and we took her home the next day. It was such an amazing experience. One I never want to repeat. :) 2 is wonderful. 2 is more than enough.

Big sister Piper is in love. She loves to hold her (though this has been limited due to Piper being sick!), kiss her head, help change her diaper, tuck her in. She's having what I can only assume is normal extra neediness. And I'm happy to give in when I can.

Quinn did have to make a return visit to the hospital on Sunday, her 4th day of life, because her bilirubin levels continued to rise after her she was sent home and after being on a UV light at home for 2 days. But one peaceful night of her sunbathing under the lights in the hospital did the trick and she's doing great.

This is going to be an adventure. I see Piper in such a different light now. She is SO BIG! When did she get so big? I look at her hands, which were so petite 2 weeks ago, and I see huge-ness! I look at her precious face and realize, this is no longer a baby. I feel a little shell shocked by this most of all. I am a little sad that she's growing so fast. Then I look at beautiful Quinn and realize this is only the beginning. I'm looking ahead to Piper as a big sister. Such a good big sister. I'm excited to see how Quinn encounters her world differently or similarly to Piper. I'm glad we decided a long time ago that 2 kids were enough. All is well and complete in the Ramsey household. And I probably will not be as good about writing in my blog for awhile, forgive me. :)

Oy!

Woo! It's been over a week since I've written. Well I've been busy.... NO not with new baby. New baby is still very comfy and happy to stay put. I was released from bed rest as of last Wednesday and I'm making the most of my time. Let me just say - having a 25 pound "appendage" (as Brooks calls it) sticking out in front of your body wreaks havoc! Oy my back. Oy my feet. Oy my pelvis. Oy. But I have to say the aches and pains I am feeling now after being up are minimal to the aches, physical and mental, I had while on bed rest.
Can I just tell you how good it is for my soul to take control of my home again? No one sees your home as you do. No one notices the cobwebs you do. No one loads your dishwasher the right way. No one uses the good towels for guests only and the old towels for under the dirty humidifier like you do in YOUR home......(INCLUDING your husband!) Oy. I'm so grateful for the help we've received and so grateful for being back on my feet.
There is also the sweetness of being a partner in parenting again. Playing with Piper, holding her, putting her to sleep, bathing her, even disciplining her. She's so much fun and she likes having mommy back, I think. Although we're anxious to hold our new little bundle, I think this time, off work, home with Piper, is so precious. She's not going to be an only child for much longer....
So, no baby yet. I'll be "full term" - 37 weeks- in 2 days. Apparently there are still things to do. Oy.

Top Three Ways to Love Your Cervix

I don't think I can actually write on this topic, but the picture and title cracked me up -(a health awareness dealy-bob from planned parenthood). Eye catching don't you think? Maybe if I show my cervix a little more love, it'll love me back?!

Let's talk about dreams. I was perusing the MSN home page this morning and one of their topics was dream interpretation. I have the time. I interpreted. Every one who knows me well, knows that I have ALWAYS had very vivid, often funny, sometimes prolific or problem solving dreams. Magnify that X10 and you have my pregnancy dreams.

My mom tells a story about the time when I was a toddler (3 year old?) and I woke up and calmly explained to my mom how Cookie Monster came out of the TV and put a crack in my wall. I also remember dreaming as a child about how my many stuffed animals all came to life after I feel asleep and would argue about who was my favorite. This lead to much distress that was only resolved by having ALL of my stuffed animals sleep with me so no one felt left out.

When I was pregnant with Piper I had a doozy where I and a co-worker of mine (who's last name is Ott) were detectives and partners. Among the amusing things included in the dream were the "aliens" we ("Detective Ott and Detective Hot") were chasing down. When they exited the UFO they looked like Jesus in all his toga glory (please no one take offense - these are the opinions of my subconscious not necessarily the whole entity...).

This pregnancy has held many more vivid dreams, some strange, some obviously revealing my desires, some comforting, some not. Last night I was sitting on a gently windy beach alone in the night with only the moonlight to see by and suddenly a wave came up unexpectedly and covered me completely. It was warm and I laughed about it. It was very peaceful. It was interesting to read that dream glossary this AM regarding that dream. Here are some of the key "findings".

Beach:
1. A beach is where the earth meets the water; hence, dreaming of standing on a beach looking out at the water implies intense spiritual experiences ahead. 2. Swimming in the surf implies becoming involved in deep emotions; hence this could imply a new love, the birth of a baby, or the appearance of a long-term friend. 3. Working on a beach warns that difficult times lie ahead financially, and that you may need to either seek help or work that much harder to make ends meet. 4. Lying on a beach is a dream of contrary, hinting that you better enjoy yourself now, because you will soon be too busy to do much relaxing.

Moon
An astrological symbol relating to the emotions. If the Moon is full and bright, much happiness and success lie ahead. If the Moon is new or in the crescent phase, you may not be aware of your own feelings with regard to specific circumstances. A Moon partly or fully obscured by clouds hints at outside matters affecting feelings that you’re currently unaware of, yet still need to deal with.

Night
1. A dream of a clear, starry night, with a full moon, is an omen of positive things to come. A dark, cloudy night with no moon represents the dreamer’s fears. Look to other symbols in the dream to discern what the fears are. 2. If in the dream the night is hindering the dreamer, he should expect obstacles and delays in something dear to him.

Ocean
Life. One of the few universal symbols. An active ocean, teeming with life, with high waves and crashing surf, implies that life will soon become much busier. A calm ocean: A peaceful life. A stormy sea: Trouble ahead. The need to be prepared.

Wind
The wind represents movement, and the type of movement involved is dictated by the circumstances.1. Dreaming of being out in a cold, blustery wind implies having to take action under adverse circumstances.2. Dreaming of a calm, gentle wind that caresses your face is reassurance that you are surrounded by people who deeply love and care for you. A brisk, steady breeze portends success in business enterprises.3. Being caught up in an extreme form of wind such as a cyclone or tornado is a warning to get your affairs in order now if you don’t want to have a lot of trouble later.

Interesting isn't it? Dream interpretation is one of those things that you're often not surprised by the answers, but it's funny how the subconscious brings certain things to your own surface at certain times in your life. In the end I think last night's dream told me what I already knew: I'm ready and able. A few days ago I started freaking out because I felt I had not prepared myself mentally for labor and I didn't feel ready. Today, I feel ready. I would still like a little more time for my body to get ready, but my mind is there. I feel strong (ironically) and secure in the knowledge that my body will do what it needs to do when that time comes.

Of course if I'm not ready at least I'll have Brooks' 11 year old student to help deliver the baby. (His dream last night).

Tough Guy

It's a time for miraculous things to happen. If you read my blog regularly, you know my Nana was struggling with wanting to live around the same time I was put on bed rest. 5 days before my initial hospital visit, Nana, my mom's mom, was hit by a car while walking across the street. (My poor mother would probably like to forget that week.) Although her physical injuries were not life threatening (thank God), her mental strength and positive attitude were hit hard. She seemed to have made up her mind that her life was over. She asked for a DNR (do not resuscitate) order and never gave it the old "college try" with Physical therapy and thus ended up basically bed-bound (kind of an interesting coincidence huh?). This was very unexpected to all who knew her.

Well. Miracles DO happen. On Sunday, shortly before I went to the hospital, while mom, my sister and her husband were visiting Nana, she decided she wanted to go for a WALK! And walk she did. Alzheimer's can truly be a blessing as she has apparently forgotten that she wasn't walking. They have taken the wheelchair out of her room and she continues to CHOOSE to walk daily. She needs a little help, but she is walking.

I am taking this as a sign. Remember that Chinese woman I wrote about? The one who was full term, 7 centimeters dilated and held off delivery for a day and a half because she wanted her child born in a different Chinese year? And now my Nana, who decided she couldn't walk any more and didn't. Then decided she could walk and DID - after being in bed for 11 weeks - at 84 years of age! 4 centimeters - PHOOOEY!

I know it's not something to take lightly -where I am medically - if I want a baby that's not born until 36+weeks (8 days away). But today I am 34 weeks and 6 days - I've beat my record (Piper was born at 5:30 am at 34wks+6d). I'm up for actually pummeling the record, what do you say Cervix? Can you take it? Huh? Tough guy? Bring IT!

Back to Nana. This ability and desire to move means she can get out of her care facility for short periods of time and enjoy some of the things she did before. She can go to my mom's house for the day and hang out with her family and her dog. I don't know what moved her to move. I don't know how long it will last. But it brings me so much joy that she is finding a way to believe in life again. Knowing Nana, she probably just said, "well if I'm not gonna die, I guess I better actually live."

Nana, I know this isn't about pride for you. But I have to say I'm so proud to be your grand daughter and fellow Gemini - at sometimes I feel you are my other half. Our lives and thoughts often so closely parallel each other's. Your way of being is so pure, easy and true. I hope this moving around thing lasts at least until I can show you your new great grand baby and put my arms around you. I love you.

4 BIG ONES

Centimeters, that is. Yup. It creeps me out a little. We went to the hospital last night because of increasingly regular contractions and I measured 4 cm dilated. Wow....

They were able to stop the contractions, or at least stablize them with one shot of Terbutaline and I was sent home. My doctor was actually on call - which was a nice change from having to give my entire history again. She feels at this point she would not be very agressive with trying to stop labor (ie magnesium sulfate). If it can be stopped with "a squirt of Terb" great, if not, here we go folks. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday to check the placenta and amniotic fluid levels to make sure baby's ok. I'll be 34 weeks and 6 days tomorrow - that is when Piper was born. To use the phrase my doctor used, I'm like a "Jenney-O turkey" my "done button" may just pop at close to 35 weeks! Gobble gobble....

Here are some other things that are 4 cm:

The metal end to a key--before you get to the rounded bit at the top.

The plastic lid to a flash drive.

This vegetable (in diameter).

This silver dollar.

This paper clip.

Just to give you an idea. I'm not "there" yet, mentally. I'm not quite ready for labor, so this baby'll just have to wait a little longer! Keep your fingers crossed!

We're ALL getting ready for baby....

It's time to tuck baby Elmo in for a nap.
Then everyone else needs a pull-up change!

Then we rub and kiss the baby in mommy's belly...

Brooks says "the thing I don't remember about your belly last time is the 'overhang'". Hmmm. It IS sort of "Shelf-like"....